and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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