he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
