Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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