Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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