I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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