I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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