if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
