yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
