idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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