I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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