I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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