I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't think brook has ever known best
worst night to have a conscience
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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