Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
