dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
