Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
