Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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