Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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