how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
