So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
