Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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