Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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