he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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