And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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