Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize