College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize