well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
