just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
