he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
