I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
