so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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