i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
