8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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