He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
