I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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