I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
