Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
