I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
