eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize