yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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