I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
