I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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