this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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