I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
