We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
