Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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