4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
