Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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