Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
