i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
