1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
