I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
