just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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