Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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