woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
