his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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