If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
