How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
