Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
