Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
