I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
