Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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